Tuesday, November 27, 2007

I'm totally geeking out about it

Been watching Ratatouille past couple days. Borrowed a screening copy from Josh and shared it with the guys at home. I still laugh even though i've seen it a couple times already which Greg noted. This movie is so beautiful and totally feels like a live-action film except for the walking talking rat. There's lots to learn here and there's a lot of Pixar just showing off. What's left to conquer? They do water great, fur great, hair, wind, character, timing, lighting...what else is there? Probably why Brad wants to branch out into live-action with 1906 and the John Carpenter of Mars series. I can't wait for WALL-E - An opening scene with virtually no dialog for 20 minutes? Then there's UP - a story of a septuagenarian and a forest ranger solving crimes in the Pacific Northwest? I love it already! Note: these are the rumors i have gleaned from conjecture, hearsay and the internet so what do i know? Oh and if the UP premise isn't correct - DIBS!

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Tim Conway Kills

Last week or so was an American Masters program on PBS featuring Carol Burnett and her rise to fame and the show and whatnot. The program did a good job of charting the comedic gold of her talents and the rest of the cast that made that show so funny for 11 YEARS. The only thing the show left out was Tim Conway's Elephant story lifted from a Mama's Family sketch that put the cast on the floor. I remember seeing this spot on TV and my whole family laughing for 20 minutes after. What was odd was how the program even seemed to lead right up to this sketch talking about how Tim would riff on something and loved to get the cast to break up. This is the ultimate in comedic timing and Ad Lib.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I am claiming this cuz it's freaking funny

Last weekend I put an exhaust fan in the ceiling for my wife's mother. While my wife's brother and I were fitting the fan in between the joists, we found something under the insulation. What we found was this:

A JC Penney catalog from 1977. It's not often something this great just falls in my lap, but holy hell this was two solid inches of it, right there for the taking. I thumbed through it quickly and found my next dining room set, which is apparently made by adding upholstery to old barrels:

Also, I am totally getting this for my bathroom:

There's plenty more home furnishings where those came from, however I'm not going to bore you with that. Instead, I'm going to bore you with something else. The clothes.

The clothes are fantastic.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long. And way to pull them up to your armpits, grandpa.

Here's how to get your ass kicked in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get your ass kicked on the golf course:

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden made you, and as a one-piece, it's slightly more effective as a deterrent against ass-rapery.

Here's how to get your ass kicked pretty much anywhere:

If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his matching coffee cup.

Here's how to get your ass kicked at the beach:

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster.

How to get your ass kicked in a meeting:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit.

How to get your ass kicked on every day up to and including St. Patrick's Day

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends at Penneys.

As does your search for chest hair.

And this -- Seriously. No words.

Oh wait, it turns out that there are words after all. Those words are What. The. F*ck. I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. The little tie must be the pull tab.

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, I'm guessing that in 1977 it was considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

I am especially fond of this one, which I have entitled "Cowboy Chachi Loves You Best."

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and a blonde girl with a look on her face that says "I love the way your junk fights against that fabric."

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. That said, I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

Man, that's sexy

Now, you may be laughing, but I know that you used to have clothes like these, not to mention the platform shoes with the raised sole and heel...and the leisure suit, especially if it had the contrasting-colored seam thread was as absolute chick-magnet.